Why Do Same-Sex Desires Still Cause Guilt and Shame?

Who are those shaming same-sex relations? While various sexual behaviors are widely accepted, why do many still feel so much guilt? Should not homosexuals now feel affirmed and confident now? Do the moral standards of some people trigger guilt in the moral conscience of others? Can other people determine the moral conscience of others? No. Why then is there still so much shame? There some of the reasons for guilt and the guilt can be resolved.

Natural Guilt

The perception of what is natural has caused many to feel guilty. Here are some observations: Only one man and one woman have propagated humanity and marriage is only natural to humanity. Only a man and a woman can conceive children. Only man and woman are made to come together. Man and woman are made to become intimately one even if they do not plan to have children. Traditional marriage has been the basis of society forming the family.

Furthermore, same-sex relations stand in contrast to centuries of parenting and even adoption. Adoption has been a natural option for a married woman and man who are unable to conceive. This is part of the reason that they came together. All orphaned children are naturally produced by one father and one mother, and they would naturally desire a father and a mother or at least a father and mother figure. Therefore, homosexuals can feel guilty for altering the natural order. What can be done about this shame? Are God-followers to blame? Or, is God trying to tell humankind something by using our consciences?

Highly Esteemed among People

Many face shame coming from the message of the Christian faith. Jesus declared, “For what is highly esteemed among people is an abomination in the sight of God” (Luke 16:15). Many people still revere the words of Jesus. Jesus’s words can be piercing to the heart. What did Jesus say? Jesus spoke against adulteries, fornications, and lewdness being “evil things” that come from hearts and defile people (Mark 7:20–23). What is the community’s response to Jesus’s definition of marriage to be one man and one woman (Mark 10:6–9)? How are homosexuals to feel about Jesus’s words against sex outside of marriage as being evil (1 Cor 6:16; Eph 5:31; Heb 13:4)?

Jesus revealed, “I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance” (Mark 2:17b). Jesus openly used a strict definition of fornication according to the Moses’s Law that consists of adultery, extra-marital sex (premarital sex), incest, rape (pedophilia), sex during menstruation, homosexuality, bestiality, and prostitution (Lev 18; 19:29; 20; Deut 22:5, 22–30). Jesus also condemned pedophilia in the abuse of children (Matt 18:7–10, Mark 9:42–50). He specified that adultery also consisted of divorcing and marrying another for any reason other than sexually infidelity (Matt 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11–12; Luke 16:18; cf. 1 Cor 7:10–11). Were Jesus’s words overboard and without merit?

There is no wonder that many homosexuals are ashamed of Jesus and his morality of sexual behavior. There is no real debate that Jesus taught that homosexual behavior is sexually immoral, sinful, and evil. After all the pleading with the masses, homosexuals will never change Jesus. They can never persuade Jesus to change or alter how God made humanity man and woman.

Moral Conflict

Many feel a great moral conflict, because they find that they are not able to control themselves like all sinners (Rom 7:13–25). They do not like the idea of religious hypocrites boasting of their ease and peace with sexuality. However, in the Bible, some who became Christians were homosexuals before they believed in Jesus and repented. Striving not to be deceived, they believed, “Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor 6:9–10). The biblical writers seem to believe that people can choose to escape sexual temptations and bear its urges (1 Cor 10:13).

The biblical writer, Paul, declared that people lose control of their desires when they no longer recognize, thank, or honor God (Rom 1:18–27). Paul wrote that everyone can ee God’s eternal power and divine nature in all that God created (Rom 1:20). Does all of this guilt come from rejecting God and never thinking of Him? Did God really give the unbelievers over to impure lusts to dishonor their bodies with shameful behavior (Rom 1:18–24)? Therefore, Paul urged, “Escape sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” (1 Cor 6:18). Do homosexuals feel guilty for hurting themselves? In rejecting God, a whole community has developed in rebellion to thanking the Christian God.

Is this guilty conscience natural and God-given (Rom 2:14–15)? Is God trying to communicate something? There are going to be people who support homosexuality as a good thing. Of course, they are trying to justify themselves, but they do little to appease the moral conscience or take away the fear of death and judgment.

Addressing Guilt

Who can say that they have reconsidered Jesus’s teaching? Need help overcoming homosexuality or another uncontrolled sexual desire? There are loving people who can help. It is good to have a guilty conscience and sorrow leading to repentance (2 Cor 7:9–10). All have sinned and fallen from the glory of God (Rom 3:23). May God strengthen you in the faith of Jesus Christ to overcome your weaknesses. Jesus was tempted in every way, and yet he is sinless and offers everyone grace and mercy (Heb 4:14–16). Jesus died a death that he did not deserve. Because he was sinless, death could not hold him. However, hundreds experienced Jesus risen from the dead (1 Cor 15:1–4). If you are struggling to control sexual desires, please consider the power of God’s Word that can release you from this slavery (John 8:31–36; Rom 6:1–23).

God loves you, and I love you.

How to Overcome Habitual Sins and Addictions through Christ

How to Overcome and Prevent Sexual Sins

About Scott J Shifferd

Minister, church of Christ in Jacksonville, FL. Husband and father of four. Email: ScottJon82[at]yahoo.com
This entry was posted in Christian, Church of Christ and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Why Do Same-Sex Desires Still Cause Guilt and Shame?

  1. Rob says:

    This is just wrong wrong wrong. The guilt that comes, comes from THIS version, this INTERPRETATION of what scripture says being shoved into the collective psyche, and being perpetuated by people that haven’t put themselves in the shoes of a gay person. I’m gay. I love Jesus, He’s the Way, the ONLY Way – and He said nothing about what you have put forth here. I assure you, that were it NOT natural, had God not created us this way, then nature wouldn’t allow for it to happen. What IS “unnatural” in this context, is when a STRAIGHT man tries to be gay. It is also unnatural for a GAY man to try to be straight. Remember these admonitions (if you can call them that) “against homosexuality” appear in the entire Bible 6 times. SIX. Leviticus is out – we are no longer under Levitical law (Jesus said that), nor are we bound by the OT, and Paul’s words were to those involved in temple worship, pagan sexual idolatry, etc. The old standby that God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve just doesn’t carry weight. I don’t know that anyone can elevate himself to the point of saying what God’s will for every single person on the planet is. Only God knows His will for each individual, and that’s why I must TRUST the Holy Spirit for his guidance and direction. To even claim that one knows God’s will for someone else’s sexuality is presumptuous and is PLAYING God. There was also a time when people said it was God’s will for the races not to mix, and that slavery was acceptable. Being gay is not a choice anyone makes. Be part of the solution instead of the problem. God loves us all, gay, straight, black, white… WE are precious in His sight.


    • Rob,

      No true Christian denies that Jesus loves you. Yet, I hope that you are not closed minded to reconsider. As I have considered your position from an honest heart, I ask you to do the same.

      Be careful to not deceive yourself to believe in a fictional Christ. Test the spirits (1 John 4:1-6). Although the Old Testament is no more, it was by its definition of fornication that Jesus condemned that sin in all its forms as noted in the article above. Jesus affirmed marriage against all alterations by the fact that God created male and female in the beginning (Mark 10:6-12). Yet, Paul said that man-made religion rejecting God concludes with the loss of self-control unto homosexual lust, which is an uncontrolled lust as you confess (Rom. 1:18ff).

      All sex should be by choice that is by consent. Did God create us to have no choice in our sexual behavior? Certainly not! We can control ourselves unless we do not recognize, thank, and glorify the true God (Rom. 1:18-28). Otherwise, God certainly “gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity” (Rom. 1:24). We all have to face the decision between serving our lusts or God. If lusts, then our lusts will certainly be perverted. This is war that we can fight and win (Gal. 5:16ff).

      “To even claim that one knows God’s will for someone else’s sexuality is presumptuous and is PLAYING God.” Can I not agree with Christ and condemn rape and pedophilia? God does not love homosexual behavior as you confess that He gave you these desires and you cannot control your choice. How can you stand before God with this justification of your own?

      The door is always open to you. I can help you resist your temptations. May God bless us all to gain control of ourselves through faith in the God of Christ.


    • Rob, perhaps you might find this post useful to be useful: http://bpsfuelforthought.wordpress.com/2013/11/22/ex-gay-awareness-month/

      Whether or not you click on the link is completely up to you. It was written by another brother in Christ; the article deals with some of the issues that you mentioned in light of God’s word.

      Regardless of one’s own sexual preference and lifestyle, God’s guidance on the matter has been plainly spelled out for those who are interested enough in knowing his will; and those who wish to ignore it do so to their own spiritual wellbeing – whether or not they consider themselves to be straight, homosexual or indifferent to the issue(s) at hand (Hebrews 13:4).


  2. Mike says:

    Many homosexuals, especially young ones, feel guilt because trashy people constantly lie and tell them that they should that they are evil, wrong, and not deserving of equal protection under the law.


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