Jesus Christ is able “to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Heb 4:15). Christ can help with every sinful and addictive behavior. His words are freely provided in the Bible. This article gives scriptures for the cause of sexual sins and shows the power of God’s strength to escape sexual sins and endure temptations by following the example of Christ. For a definition of sexual sins, the reader can see “What Are Sexual Sins?“
The Means of Self-Control for Sexual Desires
The Bible teaches that sexual desires are natural to how God has created people and the desires are for marriage. However, not everyone has sexual desires and do not need to marry. Marriage is self-control. In 1 Corinthians 7:1–9, the apostle Paul taught that those who burn with passion and have no self-control are to marry. In the Book of Romans, Paul revealed that there are desires that cannot be controlled by one’s own will (Rom 7:15–20).
The Cause of Sexual Sins
Sexual immorality is a sin against one’s own body because the body is meant for the Lord (1 Cor 6:12–20). Sexual sin traps many like any sin that becomes embedded in the flesh (Gal 5:19–21). Those who struggle with such can relate to these words, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate” (Rom 7:15 ESV). Jesus professed, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Mark 14:38; cf. Matt 26:41). The problem is sin living within one’s flesh, and that person cannot find how to do what is good. The apostle Paul depicted,
So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. (Rom 7:17–20)
Since the sin is no longer from oneself, does this mean that someone can continue in sin and grace will abound? This cannot be (Rom 6:1). The apostle Paul responded to uncontrolled sin confessing, “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Rom 7:24). God provides a way of escape for all (1 Cor 10:12–13). No one can overcome indwelling sin without the indwelling Spirit of God. By the Spirit, the faithful are commanded to put to death the deeds of the flesh (Rom 8:13). Paul revealed,
For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. (Rom 8:5–8)
God’s Strength to Escape and Endure Sexual Temptations
(1) Put to death sin in the flesh by the Holy Spirit. The apostle Paul taught, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live” (Rom 8:13). God gives power by the strength of the Holy Spirit within the inner person (Eph 3:16). Have you ever found strength from God while praying, reading scripture, and contemplating God’s Word? That is the work of the Holy Spirit. Rely on the Holy Spirit for strength. The Spirit is the source of strength to put to death sin in the flesh. Seek God’s strength and find His strength by the indwelling of His Spirit.
The apostle Paul instructed Christians to be filled with the Spirit (Eph 5:18). Paul revealed, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh” (Gal 5:16). Paul exhorted Christians to walk in the Spirit, and they will produce the fruits of the Spirit, which include self-control (Gal 5:22–23). Live by the Spirit and the Spirit will produce fruit and fill one’s life with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal 5:16–17, 22–23). Then Paul condemned sexual immorality, sexual impurity, and sensuality as actions that those who practice will not inherit the kingdom of God (Gal 5:19).
Believers must humble themselves before God and plant the Word in their hearts. James declared, “Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls” (Jas 1:21; cf. Eph 5:18; Col 3:16). When believers grow and add virtues, they attain self-control with faith, knowledge, and love (2 Pet 1:5–11).
(2) Pray to God when facing weakness and temptation. Jesus told His disciples on the night of His betrayal, “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt 26:41; Mark 14:38). Jesus warned His disciples, yet that night, they all fled when they said that they would not (Mark 14:26–31). Jesus instructed, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation” (Luke 22:40, 46). Was Jesus wrong about prayer? Would prayer have helped deliver these disciples? Yes, praying to God for help does affect change. If prayer against temptation was not useful and powerful, why would Jesus have commanded His disciples to pray? What happens if they would have prayed three times that night? The Christian must pray for the righteous behavior that will replace the sinful behavior — “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil” (Matt 6:13).
The apostle Paul instructed Christians to pray constantly (1 Thess 5:17). James affirmed, “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” (Jas 5:16b). Christ taught His followers to pray, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil” (Luke 11:4). If one stumbles, the Christian can keep walking in the light having all sins washed away while confessing those sins to God (1 John 1:7–9). King David’s words in Psalm 51 set an example of confession, repentance, and prayer to God. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Ps 51:10).
(3) Change your thinking. Transformation must take place in the mind. In offering one’s body as a living sacrifice, the apostle Paul commanded, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect” (Rom 12:2). The Scriptures thoroughly instruct followers of Christ to change and renew the mind (Rom 1:28; 8:7; Eph 2:3; 4:17–24; Phil 3:19; 4:8; Col 1:12; 2:8; 3:1–5; 1 Tim 6:5; Titus 1:15; 2:11–12; Jas 1:8; 4:8; 1 Pet 1:13). Therefore, the Christian must think on those things that are truthful, honorable, just, pure, loving, respectful, virtuous, and praiseworthy (Phil 4:8).
Giving into temptations will not end temptations. The work of the Spirit is for the Spirit to change the believer (Rom 8:5–6, 11–13; 2 Cor 3:18; 1 Thess 4:1–8). Paul urged those following Christ and “to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Eph 4:22–24). This includes replacing sinful habits with good works (Eph 4:25–32). The believer who is struggling with lust and impurity can counter looking to lust with looking to admire purity and goodness in others (Matt 5:27–30; cf. Esth 2:7). The Christian can learn from Job and make a covenant with the eyes by noting the blessings of not lusting and the curses of looking to lust (Job 31:1–8).
(4) Purify the heart. A darkened understanding and a hard heart reveal sensuality of coveting every kind of impure action (Eph 4:17–24). James commanded, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (Jas 4:7–8). One must look to other parts of life, especially to other parts of the heart. Sinful problems of the heart like resentment, guilt, and fearful anxiety demonstrate the state of the heart.
Each person must consider oneself a servant of Christ and not seek to please people (Gal 1:10; cf. 1 Cor 4:1–7). A believer must seek and set the heart to identify oneself as a servant of Christ. For this, one must read Scripture, pray, worship, and assemble with Christians to receive edification in God’s Word, find holy relationships, and stir others to love and good works. A Christian must realize that God loves you unconditionally even while a sinner (Rom 5:8; 8:35–39). However, God’s grace is for those who walk in the light and not in the darkness of continuing to sin (Heb 10:26–31; 1 John 1:5–2:6).
Resentment, guilt, and anxiety reveal a lack of faith and hope in God. When people set their own expectations, these are deceitful and provoke selfish ambitions and coveting desires (Jas 3:13–18). The world often calls these ambitions “goals.” What would God want the believer to do about these ambitions? The Christian must see that following God is the better life, and the believer must replace ambitions with “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal 5:22–23).
(5) Make no way to gratify desires. Paul revealed, “Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Rom 13:13–14). Solomon warned that one must not go near the street of the adulterous woman at night (Prov 7). The follower of Christ cannot stay in the midst of temptations. They must seek to avoid the temptations of secret sins. Many believers simply miss this point. Even when a Christian sets the mind on Christ, that mindset must include avoiding all forms of evil and fleeing from temptations. If temptations come from friends, places, and exposures, the tempted must keep the good and remove the evil.
This is a war, and Christians must fight the good fight. Peter declared, “Abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul” (1 Pet 2:11). Doing nothing is not going to aid anyone in overcoming these sins. Therefore, Christ’s followers must remove sources of temptation to sin. Jesus proclaimed in Matthew 18:9, “And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire” (Mark 9:43–48; cf. Matt 19:12).
(6) Escape and endure temptation. God is faithful giving a way to escape for everyone to endure temptations (1 Cor 10:12–13). The strength to endure comes from God’s Spirit. Enduring temptations and urges of the flesh is the only way to put to death such desires. Christians must escape and bear the temptation as the apostle taught, “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Cor 6:18). The faithful are like Joseph who escaped the temptation of Potiphar’s wife (Gen 39:8–13).
Giving into sin will not stop temptations or sin. Jesus did not give into temptation to overcome temptation. Christians must escape and bear temptations by God’s strength. They must work diligently to have this mindset always, and they would act wisely to pray constantly for this. When Satan tempted Jesus, Jesus countered the temptation with a holy mind set on Scripture rather than trying to ignore the temptation (Matt 4; Luke 4). Believers should not condemn themselves because sin tempts them. The evil one tempted Jesus. Sinful desires will tempt everyone. Giving in to temptation will not help anyone resist the next temptation (1 Cor 6:18). Giving in to temptations of impurity will only make temptations worse and increase sin upon sin (Rom 6:19).
The Scriptures teach Christians to kill evil passions and desires (Gal 5:24; Col 3:5). For sexual sins, Christians must refrain from sexual impurity that is self-stimulation and all other temptations (Rom 6:19; 1 Thess 4:7). Christians must avoid the lie that urges will keep growing and not stop until giving into sin. James urged, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (Jas 4:7). Knowing the path of sin that “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire” (Jas 1:14). Believers can endure without giving in to temptation (1 Cor 10:12–13).
Enduring and overcoming temptations bring happiness to believers. The newness of life will fill their lives more than any worldly pleasure. For “Blessed [happy] is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him” (Jas 1:12; cf. 1:4). Each Christian must rely on the Spirit of Christ for strength to escape and endure with prayer and having set the mind on God’s Word.
Die with Christ to Rise with Christ
Jesus urged that everyone lose one’s life to save it (Luke 9:24). Christians must crucify themselves with Christ to remain alive in Him (Gal 2:20; cf. John 15:13). To live by the Spirit, a believer must die with Christ, be buried with Him, and rise alive with Him. If a believer does not do this, then that person is not alive with Christ. Those who are of Christ crucify the flesh with its passions and desires (Gal 5:24). Jesus preached, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it” (Luke 9:24). No one is saved by grace until God gives new life by raising the repentant believer into the newness of life with Christ (Eph 2:4–6; cf. Phil 3:9–10). With an obedient faith, a believer is only made alive with Christ through Jesus’s resurrection when that believer dies to sin and is buried with Christ in baptism (Rom 6:1–7; Col 2:12–13). According to the New Testament, only from baptism is a repentant believer raised into the newness of life. This is the gospel by which God saves all believers (1 Cor 15:1–4; cf. Rom 1:16). The Scriptures warn all to obey the gospel (2 Thess 1:7–9). Furthermore, Jesus commanded baptism in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit after He rose from the dead (Matt 28:19; Mark 16:16). This baptism is an immersion in water and in Jesus’s name (1 Pet 1:3; 3:21; John 3:5; Titus 3:5; cf. Acts 2:38; 10:47–48; 22:16).
The Indwelling of the Spirit
Christ’s followers know the love of Christ by Jesus’s selfless sacrifice (1 John 4:9–10). God dwells within Christians when those believers abide in love because God is love (1 John 4:16). Thus, the Holy Spirit has poured God’s love into the hearts of Christians (Rom 5:5–8). Only by Christ’s sacrifice can anyone really know love and be compelled by love (John 15:13; 1 John 3:16; cf. 1 John 5:1–3). When God indwells by love, Christians gain their strength from the Spirit (Eph 3:16–19). The believer must have this love in one’s heart, and then Christ’s love will compel that person to overcome. The love of Christ controls those who have concluded that because Jesus died then they die to themselves and live for the one who died and rose for them (2 Cor 5:14–15). The Holy Spirit produces love as the first of the fruits of the Spirit (Gal 5:22–23). True believers increase in that love by abiding in Christ’s words (John 14:21–24).
A New Life with a New Perspective
Christians can see through desires and temptations to observe that temporary pleasure is evil, guilt, regret, resentment, and fear. The grass is never greener on the other side of sin, and temptation is a mirage and sin is enslavement (Rom 6:15–23). The apostle Paul explained, “For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death” (Rom 6:20–21). What do people gain from sin? What is left after temporary pleasure? Slavery is on the other side of giving into sin. Jesus proclaimed, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin” (John 8:34). However, Jesus revealed, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31–32).
God’s grace reminds believers to deny worldly lusts (Titus 2:11–12). The Christian must see God’s grace as more than salvation from past sins, but also as salvation from giving into future temptations. Christ has forgiven the Christian’s past life of sin. Sin may continue to tempt Christians. Why sin again? “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?” (Rom 6:1–2). Christians must realize God’s grace in the forgiveness of sins, so that they truly love God (Luke 7:40–43). Jesus’s love by His death controls followers of Christ (2 Cor 5:14–15).
Frequently Asked Questions
A. What about God’s forgiveness and grace? What about if someone stumbles in sin again? Everyone sins and everyone stumbles (Rom 3:23; Jas 3:2). The Christian should feel guilt with godly sorrow and let that godly sorrow help change oneself. Christians should have godly sorrow: “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death” (2 Cor 7:10). God will forgive everyone if they repent. Jesus taught His followers to forgive when one confesses repentance seven times in a day (Luke 17:3–4). Why? Because Christians are to forgive as God forgives them (Eph 4:32; Col 3:13). What if Christians confess repentance seven times in a day to God? Therefore, as believers walk in the light and confess their sins to the Father, God cleanses them from all sins (1 John 1:7, 9).
B. How can a Christian avoid lewd images and pornography? Starting with the internet, TV, and magazines. Looking and lusting at lewd images, pornography, and erotic writings are the most common source of impurity among Christian men and women. Having the internet is like having a stack of pornographic magazines under one’s bed. The temptation is always there, so one must put to death sin in the flesh. The conviction of not giving in to the impurity of self-stimulate is essential to overcome these temptations in time. Sexual temptations are like the street of the adulterous woman as Solomon instructs not to go near (Prov 7). The internet or television can become the street of the adulterous and strange woman. The Christian man must not let her street end at his house. The Christian woman must not listen to the smooth-talking man.
The Christian must get rid of any saved sexual material. This person should remove of the bad cable channels or remove cable TV altogether. Every home should have an internet filter set on the router to protect children and delay temptations. Regarding internet filters, OpenDNS and CleanBrowsing are free and set on routers. Filter softwares often provide a curfew to restrict certain times of temptation. The Christian must make no provision for the flesh (Rom 13:13–14).
C. What about natural emissions? God has provided ways to cope by managing sexual desires. The Scriptures refer to nocturnal emissions and staying clean (Deut 23:9–14). When Israelite soldiers were single or away from their wives, they were not excused in the circumstances of war to behave in a sexually immoral way by committing adultery, rape, or any other evil. Married men must know how to manage themselves at specific times in their marriage. This natural release is what God has naturally provided. God gave further instructions to Israelite men to live in a way to control themselves (Lev 15:1–17). Women also have a similar natural function, and they have the same task to maintain self-control. No one needs to submit to the world’s ways of addressing these desires by giving into lust and impurity of self-stimulation.
D. What about desires like same-sex attraction? If someone has desires like homosexual desires and other forms of paraphilia, these are lusts and temptations given to people who are not recognizing God, glorifying Him and, or thanking Him (Rom 1:18–23). Without God, sin will dwell in the flesh and take each person captive. These lusts will grow from sexual impurity (Rom 1:24–28). Therefore, they must turn back to God to overcome these unnatural desires and put to death sin by the strength of God’s Spirit. They must recognize that God made each person in one’s specific gender and He made each person in His image. This is true even if someone is born a eunuch (Matt 19:11). Thank God and glorify Him for the various traits of each gender. They must grow and become strong in the natural qualities of one’s God-given sex. If one is born as a male, live as a man, enjoy that life, put away any femininity, and restore natural desires by thanking and glorifying God. If someone was born a female, she must increase her femininity and womanly qualities by putting away masculine habits. She must thank and glorify God. While sin will still tempt everyone, each must listen to Jesus and become committed for the kingdom of heaven (Matt 19:12). God made man and woman become one flesh in marriage, and all desires outside of this are outside of God’s will.
E. How can marriage help a Christian manage one’s desires? God made man and woman to become one flesh (Gen 2:24). God’s design of marriage is why people have sexual desires. A husband and a wife fit together by God’s design. Paul taught, “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Cor 7:2). The Holy Spirit permitted, “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Cor 7:9). Spouses must not withhold marital intimacy (1 Cor 7:1–9). Marital affections are due to each spouse. Paul taught, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Cor 7:3). He also instructed, “Do not deprive one another” (1 Cor 7:5).
F. How does a biblical respect for marriage help? Just the simple conviction that sex is an act of love meant only for one’s spouse changes how someone directs personal desires. All must honor marriage by honoring the marriage bed even if you are not married. An unmarried person can defile the marriage bed too by having sex outside of marriage just as Jesus taught (Matt 5:32). Defiling the marriage bed is a reference to fornication in Hebrews 13:4, which says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
G. How can a Christian maintain purity when dating and engaged? Paul taught, “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Rom 13:14). The Christian should only date someone who he or she would marry. When they decide otherwise, then they can end the relationship. Double dates and meeting in public places is the best if not the only way to date to even avoid accusations.
Physical relationships between a man and woman progress. The progression of affection is a part of how God has designed man and woman. Romantic passion usually progresses like this: an arm around the shoulder, holding hands, kissing, passionate kissing, and so forth into petting, undressing, stimulating, and intercourse. Of this progression, when does one quit thinking clearly? Most would point to passionate kissing. At passionate kissing, rational thinking is often thrown away as the couple becomes “love drunk.” Followers of Christ can prevent this progression into sin by avoiding passionate kissing or drawing the line somewhere in the progression toward sin.
Sin tempts some couples when they are alone for even an hour. Sexual desires reach a point of sexual intoxication when one cannot think soberly. This is like trying to talk sense into a drunk. How can someone prevent such sensual drunkenness? Christians must keep from the passion of lust. What triggers sexual passion and intoxication? Believers should decide and know exactly when to stop along the progression. They would be wise to inform one’s date. If a date passes this point, the Christian can separate from that person for some days or weeks for discipline.
H. How must a Christian live with one’s spouse? The husband must love his wife unconditionally as Christ loves the church and God loves each person (Eph 5:28–31; 1 Pet 3:7). He must do this with understanding and without bitterness (Col 3:19; 1 Pet 3:7). Likewise, women must also recognize that God’s ideal for marriage is for a wife to love and respect her husband by humbling herself as is fitting to the Lord (Eph 5:22, 33; Col 3:18; Titus 2:4; 1 Pet 3:1). God gave desires for a spouse within the intimacy of marriage so all desires for others are a perversion of God’s design.
I. How can a Christian couple avoid adultery and better maintain affections within marriage? Paul revealed, “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Cor 7:2). Marriage is the purpose of sexual desire. Those who want more romantic gestures besides physical intimacy should comply with God’s instructions for sexual intimacy first. Withholding sex for other things is not biblical. Temptations can arise from not fulfilling marital affections (1 Cor 7:4–7). A successful marriage is based on rendering what is due. Also, obeying Ephesians 5:23–31 by husbands loving wives and wives respectfully submitting to husbands will usually prevent these sexual sins. Now and all the time, “make no provisions for the flesh” (Rom 13:14). Christians are wise not to privately meet with anyone of the opposite sex. Temptations for adultery increase by a lack of attention, affection, and admiration from one’s spouse. A little attention, affection, and admiration from someone else welcome an affair, yet attention, affection, and admiration toward one’s spouse push such temptations away.
The Breath of God 
Thank you for replying and for the scriptures that you have sent me, the reason why when i prayed at times to get rid of this sexual sin that overcomes me at times, its because i think that whomever I’m lusting over is God’s child and someone elses wife. I should not commit adultery, praying, reading the word and listening to christian music has helped me, where the moment i even think of anything lustful, a major conviction hits me. Most of the time, I’m just not thinking it, this is going back 2 years ago though. I just need to get back to that, would you happen to have an article about why we should not listen to secular music, because i read an article about it and it said that it does not glorify God. So i wonder if by listening to secular music, can you go to hell for that. Thanks again for your reply back.
I don’t have article specifically on this subject. I do have articles on filling your mind with good things.
I find clean secular music is fine. Much of the Christian music is filled with good living and for instance, Lifehouse and Switchfoot are often on secular radio stations and are not worship, which is what I prefer. I am persuaded to keep my entertainment separate from my worship (Matt. 6), so I listen to clean music for entertainment and I sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs for worship and spiritual teaching (Eph. 5:19, Col. 3:16).
Christian music is good to fill you with the words of God, but evern Christian music may not do not that to the extent or subject that you need. A good clean song about a pure relationship with someone of the other gender is great for encouraging you and setting a mindset for what you should desire (Rom. 8:5-6, 9-11). I find no error in this. Secular music would be wrong if it is filled with lewdness and profanity. I encourage you to get rid of that. In Christian music, the words matter above everything else (1 Cor. 14:15, 9-25). Fill your mind with good stuff (Phil. 4:8, Col. 3:2).
Change Your Mind to Change Your Actions
So helpful that i had to share, ive bin into immorality as a christian. Thanx looking forwad to see another article like that.
I smooth out this article every few months. On this subject, I have little more to say. My other articles on overcoming addiction and changing the mind get little to no attention.
May God bless you.
Hi Scott,
I was google searching on “how to avoid sex as a christian” and i was led to your site. I have 3 questions about what i’m struggling with and i’m hoping your answers will sit well with me. First, I have a boyfriend who is not saved but will be getting baptised in august (on his birthday) he lives in another country so our relationship is long distance. The last time i saw him was in december and we ended up sleeping together. Since then i haven’t seen him but we communicate. He told me he will be getting baptised in august and would like it if i could attend the service. I said yes, afterall, this is great news!. Apart of me is scared of going to be around him/alone with him because we might slip again. Yet apart of me wants to go because i’ve asked God to take away my desires of the flesh and make me stronger. So this would be a test for me. I cannot afford to slip again after i rependent and asked God for his forgivness. Do you recommend i go and see him? if so what are some ways you can help me reienforce my promise with God so that my boyfriend and I will not cross the line again? Now that he will also be an “official christian” with his water baptism.
Secondly, looking back, sometimes when i commit certain sexual acts i know i’m not suppose to do i do feel bad and get down hard on myself. No matter how i pray and read and talk to God i still reflect on those sinful encounters and somehow feel as if God hasn’t forgiven me. What can i do to not reflect on my pass and allow it to creep into my present to mess me up? I have no problems fleeing from the people/situation but i feel they are still stained within me and because of that my pass encouters are stirred up causing me to have doubts.
Third, can you get baptised more then once? If so on what grounds?
Thank you kindly and keep up the good work! I’ve printed a few of the scriptures and sayings from your article above and pasted them around my room and in my bible :)
Monique
When my wife and I were dating, I would arrange for her to stay with friends or relatives. I recommend that you offer to come and stay with any of his relatives or close friends. If that is not possible, I urge you to stay at a hotel or camp ground, etc. Otherwise, I urge you to not stay with him until are married.
Regarding your past, it is okay to think through past sins and it is okay to be tempted. Just don’t dwell on these things and fantasize about them. Remember that Jesus was tempted and there is nothing sinful about being tempted. Yet, do not make ways to be tempted (Rom. 13:14). If you are walking in the light, then God has forgiven you (1 John 1:7, 9). We are to forgive as God forgives, which means every time that you confess your sins and confess your repentance then you are forgiven and saved (Eph. 4:32, Luke 17:3-4). Confess your sin and tell God that you understand that His Word says that you will be forgiven. I’d make sure that you do not feel guilty about other things. Read your Bible and be a part of the Church that Jesus built, which is described in the Bible. If there is no scripture for a religious practice, be safe about it and only do what Jesus and Apostles command in the scriptures (cf. Rom. 14:23).
About baptism, Acts 19:1-7 speaks of 12 men being baptized again into Jesus’ name, because they were only baptized in John’s baptism. We must be baptized in Jesus’ name, which is the same as being baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. There is only one baptism (Eph. 4:4-5). Now, some people think that they were baptized in Jesus’ name and they are not. Acts 2:38 tells us that we are to be immersed (not sprinkled or poured on) in Jesus’ name into the forgiveness of sins. Acts 10:47-48 shows that baptism in Jesus’ name is in water, and being in Jesus’ name, is for forgiveness of sins in Acts 10:43. Remember that baptism is a burial and sprinkling and pouring does not bury anyone (Romans 6:3-7, Colossians 2:11-12). Read Acts 8:26-40 about a man who went down into the water not sprinkled or poured over. If you doubt you baptism, be baptized immediately don’t plan a specific date. Waiting to be baptized is not how baptism is done in the Bible. Believers were baptized immediately and I’d encourage you and your boyfriend to do the same. I can help you find a church of believers who will immerse you if you have doubts or you can find a believer you know who will baptize you correctly according Jesus’ instructions. Here are verses to read about being baptized immediately: Acts 2:38-41, 16:33, 18:8, 22:16. When one is baptized in faith (Gal. 3:26-27), one is saved (Mark 16:16, Acts 2:41, 47), forgiven (Acts 2:38, 22:16, 1 Pet. 3:21), and raised to a new life in Christ (Rom. 6:3-7, Col. 2:11-12).
Lastly, baptism will not keep you from sinning. Read Romans 6:1. As long as you repent, walking in the light, and confess your sin to your heavenly Father, then you will be safe in His grace (1 John 1:7, 9). Just by reading your words, I know that you are trying to be a godly woman. Be sure that you are saved (1 John 5:13). I gave you a lot of scriptures, because I do not want you to take my word alone. Follow Christ. His words are spirit and life (John 6:63).
May God bless you. Thank you for the encouragement. Keep posting those scriptures in your room. You are in my prayers.
I have trouble with masturbation, it hits me in the morning, while at work and then before i go to sleep at night. What makes it hard to overcome is the women i see all around me, they dress so bad to the point that you dont even have to undress them with your eyes, its already there. I do love God and fear going to hell because i can’t seem to get over this. This has been going on with me for about 10 years. I pray and at times feel free of this desire like it has no affect on me regardless of what women are passing by me. But lately in the past 2 years i have been miserably failing. Please tell me what could i do, thank you.
I think almost every man faces the temptation of looking to lust. Jesus even specifically addressed this. We can’t always help seeing the women around us. Jesus said, “whoever looks at a woman to lust” (Matt. 5:28). Realize that other people can see where you are looking and so does God (Heb. 4:13). When tempted, it is okay to turn around and go the other direction for a second. Avoid all forms of evil (1 Thess. 5:22). Get yourself together. Pray (Matt. 7:7). Pray for wisdom and you will receive it (Jas. 1:5ff). Make a covenant with your eyes (Job 31:1). Keep your mind on Christ and these temptations will be overcome (Rom. 8:5-6, 12:2). Lastly, there may be some of spiritual concern in your life, which keeps you from God’s blessing to overcome this sin. Remember that those who do not recognize God, glorify Him, and thank Him will be given over to vile passions (Rom. 1:20ff). In some way, this may apply to you, so consider your whole life with Christ.
As for masturbation, your body has a natural release. Do your best to refrain for a month? Let your release come in your sleep. Get more sleep. See a doctor if you think there is a problem. If you resist, the temptations and urges will fade even after 10 years.
If I need to be more specific, let me know. May God bless you.
10x scott,may God bless u beyond ur expectation.AMEN
10x scott,God bless u 2.
I so much appreciate u scott,a frnd of mine is hvin a problem with mastrubation,she broke up wit her boy frnd cuz he always tempt her to hv sex,buh now is havin a battle with mastrubation,she said she has prayed nd fasted buh 2 no avail,she keeps going on,and she is tired of askin for Gods mercy,she isnt sure God would forgive her again,plz scott wat cn she do?
As long as she is fighting against this sin, then she must be repenting and diligent to walk in the light, so she would be cleansed of her sins (1 John 1:7). We are to forgive as God forgives us (Eph. 4:32), which means that every time that we confess our repentance before God, then He will forgive us (Luke 17:4). Christ and His Scriptures address lust. This should be her concern to overcome. Women as much as men can have naturally emissions usually in their sleep. Therefore, I’d encourage her to get the sleep that she needs especially when she is tempted. She should be aware of when she is tempted and make no way to be tempted by that sin as much as possible (Rom. 13:13-14). This is what she did when she separated from her boyfriend, which was good. She should rejoice in this victory and have even more confidence now. That is a lot to overcome. As she did in taking herself away from the temptation of her boyfriend, she needs to think the same way about her times of lust and temptation.
May God bless her and you for helping your friend.
Thank for this mighty piece of information. I need you to keep me abreast on more. I have been finding it very difficult to overcome the sin of MASTURBATION. Pls how can you help. I love the lord and i want to serve him better but this is what has been a great Barrier to me.
If your stimulation does not involve lust, then I would encourage you to commit yourself to 2 weeks of abstinence and see what you learn. I would question that this is necessarily sin, but I understand that you would rather have naturally emissions.
At the root of this should be lust, so again you have to discipline your mind and keep God in the forefront and in your sub thoughts being engaged in doing good and looking to do good (Rom. 8:5-6). “Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh” (Gal. 5:16). This is how we crucify the passions and desires (Gal. 5:24). If you wrap yourself (and your family and in friends) in serving Christ, then God will work through you to overcome this sin. Also, remember to keep away from occasions of temptation as much as possible (Rom. 13:13-14).
God bless. You have my prayers.
Hi Scott,
My boyfriend and I have been struggling with impurity. Before him, I hadnt dated in a long time and had never really struggled with impurity before so it caught me by surprise. We haven’t had intercourse but we have definitely crossed the line. After the fact, I always feel extremely guilty and sad and have even questioned my salvation because wouldnt I be able to control this (or wouldnt the Holy Spirit work through me to control this?) If I were saved?
After the fact, I always repent and feel so sure I won’t fall into it again but then I am tempted again and the cycle continues.
Jesus said, if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. Does that mean I should break up with my boyfriend? or should I “cut off” more intimate forms of contact that could lead to boundary crossing? Ie kissing.
I truly do desire obedience to Christ and for this to be conqered through Him. However I don’t want to be legalistic either and do something drastic to prove something to God like breaking up with my boyfriend… then again I don’t want to be making excuses either if that’s what I should do. Please share with me your thoughts on both this and on your take on willfully sinning after salvation.
Thank you.
“Jesus said, if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. Does that mean I should break up with my boyfriend? or should I ‘cut off’ more intimate forms of contact that could lead to boundary crossing? Ie kissing.” YES! You got it. Cut out the intimate forms especially kissing for women is different for men. This is not legalism anymore than Jesus instruction to cut off sin.
As for self-control, there can be a lack and yet the Spirit dwells in you. First Corinthians 7:9, “but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” You are clearly putting yourself into situations where you either need to marry or be sure that you are not alone together. Parents are urged to let their children marry (1 Cor. 7:36). This is a contrast to how the world puts restrictions on education and work before marriage and education to be completed in one’s twenties while dating openly. I believe it was wise for dating only to be for marriage in a time when men could support their family right out of high school. Society likes to flirt with sin and put people in the midst of it.
If you repent from this sin and seek to make no provision for the flesh, then you are certainly be confident of your salvation. As long as your walk in the light, then you are forgiven (1 John 1:7). If you repent 7 times in a day, you can be forgiven (Eph. 4:32, Luke 17:4).
Hi scott,
This is christin i have been into relationship with a guy in the month of jan from then on we hving physical contact though we both are christians and born again baptised .. .in the month of FEB we both satrted staying to getather and daily we do have physical contact we daliy do morning prayer wen i tell m y boyfrnd that this is sin he tells me that i cannot resist am into a situation that i cannot help neither can saty in another house coz am jobless we planned to get married after an year or 2..but i really dont knwow what s god plan is for ur as of now we have many misundersatnding still we love each other alot now my question is am getting really scared what if this person iss not meant for me don know i really dont want tmy life to be shared with anyone as a alredy committed to this guy.need suggession on how to saty awa from physcial contact staying in same house
and pray that gods will bless both of ur with a bond of marriage
Christina,
I recently heard a medical doctor, a Christian psychiatrist, note that sexual desire is the 2nd greatest physical desire besides breathing. It is greater than the urge to eat, blink, etc. I plead with you to move back with your parents or something else. If you are not going to marry, then you should not be “chanbering”, which is one of the New Testament words describing fornication. You have to get out (Rom. 13:13-14). If you were to stay, you would have to live there as though you were in a different house. You must have little interaction if any. You need to have your own food and all storage in your own living space and essentially use a window or another door to come and go. Restrict yourself to a living area. Only when you go out into puclic place would you then be with him. This is the extreme reality of what you are trying to do. I would rather live under bridge than try to live in this situation. I’d go live with some other relatives that day.
May God bless you.