Jesus Christ has the answer for those struggling with sexual sins. “For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted” (Heb. 2:18). Even in a life wrapped in prayers and scripture reading, many have found themselves enslaved to a behavior that they do not want and even despise. God’s will is for your holiness, your sanctification, and that you abstain from sexual immorality knowing how to possess your own body in holiness and honor, and not be inflamed with lust (1 Thess. 4:3-5).
Christ can help you with every sinful and addictive behavior. His words are freely provided in the Bible. This article specifically addresses what most of the dozens of books and websites have not done to provide the knowledge necessary to stop this prominent sin. The keys to overcoming immoral sexual behavior are presented from God’s Word. Urging someone to read more, be saved, go to church, and stop sinning are good things to do, but sometimes believers can still miss how to overcome temptations and continue in salvation. Facing sexual temptations are still thought to be inappropriate to openly address at some churches, but the necessity of teaching on this subject is clearly seen upon the apparent sexual immorality facing the Church from the 1st century unto today (1 Cor. 5-7).
The man who can honestly say that he has never been tempted to lust after a woman is rare. Just as rare is the woman, who can say that she has not been tempted to romantically fantasize about another man, real or invented. There is not really any one particular person or generation to blame besides ourselves. Yes, it would have been nice to have been isolated and kept from abuse and exposure to such sins. Still, we must hold ourselves responsible.
What is sexual immorality? Sadly, many justify sexual sins and irrationally explain away the definition of sexual immorality. Yet, you need to have a clear awareness and strong conviction, so that you abhor this evil (Rom. 12:9). Jesus has a very clear definition of sexually immorality. When He spoke of adulteries, fornications, and lewdness being “evil things” that defile people, Christ knew what He meant (Mark 7:20-23). Adultery is sexual is engaging in sexual behavior with a married person, and Jesus said that adultery includes divorcing and marrying another person except for one’s spouse being sexually unfaithful (Matt. 5:32, 19:9, Mark 10:11-12, Luke 16:18, cf. 1 Cor. 7:10-11). Christ also spoke against lewdness, which His Spirit defined to mean to “allure through the lusts of the flesh” (2 Pet. 2:18, cf. Luke 17:1, Jas. 1:13-14).
Now, consider the definition of fornication from the Greek word porneia. This evil behavior is all sexual behavior outside of marriage between one man and one woman (Mark 10:6-7, cf. 1 Cor. 6:16, Eph. 5:31, Heb. 13:4). Procreation according to God’s design shows us that families are built by the sexual relationship between one man and one woman, but people also have the ability to pervert their desires into strange lusts. Therefore, Jesus condemned pedophilia in opposing the abuse of children (Matt. 18:7-10, Mark 9:42-50). Jesus did not have to specify what He meant by fornication by a descriptive list including rape, incest, and homosexuality. Jesus openly used the definition of fornication according to the Law of Moses speaking to those who were under this law. Within the Law of Moses, fornication is listed consisting of adultery, extra-marital sex including premarital sex, incest, rape (pedophilia), sex during menstruation, homosexuality, bestiality, prostitution, and uncovering nudity (Lev. 18, 19:29, 20; Deut. 22:5, 22-30). There should not be any debate concerning what is sexually immoral. Clearly, any sexual activity outside of the bond between one woman and one man is unnatural (Rom. 1:24-32).
The Cause: “What is happening to me?!” Everyone is being tempted by their own sinful desires and those desires can give birth to sin unto spiritual death (Jas. 1:14-15). A person’s heart may become filled with sin despite that this person may assemble every week with a congregation, read the Scriptures everyday, pray at every meal, and think continually upon spiritual matters. Jesus said in Mark 7:20-23 that what comes out of a man’s heart defiles him (cf. Matt. 15:19-20). Remember Jesus’ words that out of the heart proceed evil things like evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, covetousness, and lewdness (Mark 7:20-23). Regarding sexual immorality within the heart, Jesus taught to not look to lust (Matt. 5:28). Looking at another person with an inflamed craving and lust is adultery in the heart. Spouses are hurt by their mate’s lusting for others as though that lust is actual adultery. Jesus said, “And I say to that every person looking at a woman with covetous lust for her has now committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28). Without evil thoughts and imaginations, fleshly lusts are powerless.
How can someone become enslaved to a sin that a person does not want to do? If you feel enslaved and feel like you cannot control your sexual behavior, the Bible talks about enslaved behavior of all kinds. Such enslavement to behavior is the same as an addiction or compulsion. Sexual immorality is a sin against one’s own body giving one’s desires and thought to compulsive desires (1 Cor. 6:15-20). Jesus said, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Mark 14:38, Matt. 26:41). Many, who are caught in sexual sin or any habitual sin, relate to these words: “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do” (Rom. 7:15). The problem is that sin is dwelling within one’s flesh rather than the Spirit of Christ indwelling within one’s body, and that person cannot find how to perform what is good (Rom. 7:17-20). No one can perform what is good with sin dwelling within oneself. Yet, there is a way of escape for us all (1 Cor. 10:13). Therefore, “Escape sexual immorality!” (1 Cor. 6:18, cf. Gen. 39:8-13).
“O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Rom. 7:24).
The Answer: God’s grace is the answer. The Christian must see God’s grace as more than salvation from past sins, but also a deliverance from coming temptations. Christ forgave us from past sins to keep us from future sins. By love, the true believer is compelled by Christ’s love (2 Cor. 5.14-15). Christians must see the extent of personal sins, and the loving grace that forgave those sins (Luke 7:40-43). Jesus died so that His followers are compelled more by Christ’s loving and forgiving grace than by the lusts that compel so many to sin.
The Spirit of Christ says, “Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh” (Gal. 5:16-17). God’s Spirit commands that we be filled with the Spirit rather than excesses (Eph. 5:18). This is our choice and our action. Many think they are filled with the Spirit, but they are not when they continue to sin. When a Christian sees the victories and conquests over sins when they do walk in the Spirit, they should be attentive and reproduce that pattern of living everyday. Therefore, fill your life with Christ, His life, His words, His love, and His commands given to His Apostles and prophets found in the scriptures (cf. Col. 3:16). Set your mind as a whole thinking on all the teachings of Christ given to us through His Apostles and prophets (Eph. 3:3-5). Walk in Spirit, and you will have the fruits of the Spirit, which include self-control (Gal. 5:22-23). Be diligent to grow in the virtues of your faith (2 Pet. 1:5-11). Counter your temptations from sinful desires, cravings, and urges by walking in the Spirit.
To walk by the Spirit, die with Christ, be buried with Him, and be raised with Him. If you do not do this, then none of your attempts to follow Christ will help you. What love do you really have for Christ? You are not saved by grace until you are made alive being raised with Christ (Eph. 2:4-6). Therefore, be conformed to the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ (Phil. 3:9-10). By an obedient faith, a believer is only made alive with Christ through His resurrection by dying to sin and being buried with Christ in baptism to be raised with Christ (Rom. 6:1-7, Col. 2:12-13). This is the Gospel by which everyone must be saved (1 Cor. 15:1-4, cf. Rom. 1:16). Jesus commanded baptism in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit when He was resurrected (Matt. 28:19, Mark 16:16). This baptism is an immersion in water that has power through Christ’s words, His death, and His resurrection when one dies to oneself, is buried with Christ, and is born again through the resurrection of Christ (1 Pet. 1:3, 3:21, John 3:5, Titus 3:5, cf. Acts 2:38, 10:47-48, 22:16).
Christians know the love of Christ by Jesus’ selfless sacrifice (1 John 4:9-10). To overcome any sin, you must be compelled and motivated. Christ’s love is what compels and controls Christians to die with Christ to live (2 Cor. 5:14-15). See, love is the first blessing listed among the fruits of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23). God indwells within Christians when those believers abide in love, because God is love (1 John 4:16). Thus, God’s love has been poured into the hearts of Christians through the Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:5-8). Only by Christ’s sacrifice can anyone really know love and be compelled by love (John 15:13, 1 John 3:16, cf. 1 John 5:1-3). When God indwells by love, Christians gain their strength (Eph. 3:16-19). You must have this love in your heart, and then Christ’s love will compel you to overcome.
Therefore, learn to set your mind on the Spirit (Rom. 8:5-6). Remember that evil thoughts and imaginations feed the lusts of the flesh. Wherever you are, start disciplining the mind, and be aware that God sees you and He knows your thoughts. You must set your mind on the Spirit to be spiritually aware above the lusts of the flesh. “[Y]ou must put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind” (Eph. 4:22-23). Romans 8:5-6 states,
“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”
In offering one’s body as a living offering, Romans 12:2 commands, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” You must change your mind and thus your heart (Rom. 1:28, 8:7; Eph. 2:3, 4:17-24; Phil. 3:19, 4:8, Col. 1:12, 2:8, 3:1-5ff; 1 Tim. 6:5; Titus 1:15, 2:11-12; Jas. 1:8, 4:8, 1 Pet. 1:13).
Set your mind by Christ’s words and love. When setting the mind on the Spirit, the Spirit dwells in you (Rom. 8:9-11). The mind must be set upon Christ’s love (John 4:23, Eph. 3:16-17, 1 John 4:7-13). Again, that love compels us to be crucified with Christ and be alive in Him (2 Cor. 5:14-15, Gal. 2:20, cf. John 15:13). Therefore, believers must set their minds on the love of God. We increase in that love by abiding in Christ’s words (John 14:21-24). James 1:21 states, “Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls” (cf. Col. 3:16, Eph. 5:18). This is the work of the Spirit to change you through the indwelling of God’s Word (2 Cor. 3:18, Rom. 8:5-6, 11-13). Therefore, think on those things that are truthful, honorable, just, pure, loving, respectful, virtuous, and praiseworthy (Phil 4:8).
Setting your mind must include prayer. Jesus told His disciples on the night of His betrayal, “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt. 26:41, Mark 14:38). Jesus warned His disciples, and yet that night, they all fled when they said that they would not (Mark 14:26-31). As Luke’s Gospel describes, Jesus said, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation” (Luke 22:40, 46). Was Jesus wrong about prayer?! These are not useless words! Would prayer have helped deliver these disciples? Yes, it would. If prayer against temptation was not useful and powerful, why would Jesus have commanded His disciples to pray? What if they would have prayed 3 times that night? Take an example in this to pray constantly (1 Thess. 5:17). Wake up praying against temptation, pray throughout the day, and pray before bed. Do this for the rest of your life and do this in setting your mind on the Spirit. Christ taught His followers to pray, “Bring us not into temptation” (Matt. 6:13, Luke 11:4).
Set your mind to make no provision for the flesh to fulfill its lust (Rom. 13:13-14). Set up a perimeter in your mind and in your life. Find a way to stay away from private temptations for secret sins. Remember Solomon’s warning to not go near the street of the adulterous woman at night (Prov. 7). Make no way for private and hidden sins. Romans 13:13-14 states,
“Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”
From here, grow in Christ and in His virtues for the rest of your life (2 Pet. 1:4-11). This is a war, and Christians must fight the good fight. “[A]bstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul” (1 Pet. 2:12). Lusts are trying to deceive you (Jas. 1:14-15). The fact of the matter is that doing nothing is not going to aid you in overcoming these sins. Remove the temptation to sin. Jesus said in Matthew 18:9, “And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out, and cast it from you: it is good for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into the hell of fire” (cf. Mark 9:43-48, Matt. 19:12).
Jesus did not give into temptation to overcome temptation. Be diligent to have this mindset always. Remember that when Jesus was tempted that He countered the temptation with a better thought from Scripture rather than trying to ignore the temptation (Luke 4, cf. Matt. 4). God’s grace is through His Word. Do not feel guilty about being tempted. Jesus was tempted. You are going to be tempted. You will be tempted by urges and desires to do evil, and you may not be able to make those urges go away. You do not have to give into them and hurt yourself. Recognize the lusts of your flesh are separate from who you are. You are not your flesh and its desires.
The temptation can and will eventually diminish. A compelling love and a greater grace will ease and lessen your urges. The urges will weaken. Do not be deceive to believe the lie that urges will keep growing and not stop until giving into sin. “Therefore subordinate to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (Jas. 4:7). The Bible teaches that tempting urges can cease naturally. Knowing the path of sin that “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire” (Jas. 1:14). You can endure the urge without giving into the temptation (1 Cor. 10:13). Enduring temptations will make you happy, and the light of a new day will fill your soul more than any worldly pleasure. For “Blessed [happy] is the man who endures temptation” (Jas. 1:12, cf. 1:4). Fear God, escape, and then endure with prayer. You are able. You do not have to give into the temptation. Giving into temptations will only make temptations worse and increase sin upon sin (Rom. 6:19).
Take up your cross daily and follow Christ (Luke 9:23). After reading this, those struggling should consider daily the questions of self-reflection and scripture in this post, “How to Overcome Habitual Sins and Addictions through Christ“. Do this with prayer until God has blessed you to overcome your temptations.
- Addendum -
What about God’s forgiveness and grace? What about if we stumble again? Everyone sins and everyone stumbles (Rom. 3:23, Jas 3:2). Feel guilty and let it help change you. Have godly sorrow and fear God since “godly sorrow works repentance unto salvation” (2 Cor. 7:10). You can be forgiven by God’s grace. Jesus taught us to forgive when one confesses repentance 7 times in a day (Luke 17:3-4). Why? Because we are to forgive as God forgives us (Eph. 4:32, Col. 3:13). What if we confess repentance 7 times in a day to God? Therefore, as we walk in the light and confess our sins to the Father, God cleanses us from all sins (1 John 1:7, 9). Let the Word on the heart’s conscience motivate you.
Manage your desires within marriage and, or by other natural emissions. God has provided ways to cope by managing sexual desires. The Scriptures refer to nocturnal emissions and staying clean (Deut. 23:9-14). When Israelite soldiers were single or away from their wives, they were not excused in the circumstances of war to behave in a sexually immoral way by committing adultery, rape, or any other evil. Married men still have to be able to know how to manage themselves at specific times in their marriage. This is what God has naturally provided. God gave further instructions to Israelite men to live with a way to control themselves (Lev. 15:1-17). Women also have a similar natural function, and they have the same task to maintain self-control. Realizing this should encourage you to rely on God’s ways rather than yours and help you with desires you may think you cannot control. No one has to submit to the world’s ways of addressing these desires by giving into lust.
Respecting marriage is vital. Just the simple conviction that sex is an act of love meant only for your spouse greatly changes how one’s desires are directed. You have to honor marriage by respecting the marriage bed even if you are not married. A single person can be guilty of defiling the marriage bed and engaging immoral sexual behavior. This is clear by the reference to fornication in Hebrews 13:4, which says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Marital issues of intimacy need to be resolved by both those married and not married (1 Cor. 7:1-9). Marital affections are due to each spouse. “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband” (1 Cor. 7:3). “Do not deprive one another” (1 Cor. 7:5). Why? “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2). “[I]f they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Cor. 7:9). Husbands and wives must be very acreful not deprive their spouses.
Men need to understand that a Scriptural marriage means loving his wife by honoring and nourishing her with a tender and warm affection (Greek: thalpo) (1 Pet. 3:7, Eph. 5:28-29). He must do this with understanding and without bitterness (Col. 3:19, 1 Pet. 3:7). Likewise, women must also recognize that God’s ideal for marriage is for a wife to love and respect her husband by subordinating as is fitting to the Lord (Eph. 5:22, 33, Col. 3:18, Titus 2:4, 1 Pet. 3:1). Desire for the opposite sex is designed for marriage and all other desires outside of marriage are perversions. This desire of the flesh can only be controlled by using it properly within love. This is all vitally important in understanding marriage and honoring the marriage bed.
What about unnatural desires? If you have unnatural desires like homosexual desires and other forms of paraphilia, these are lusts and temptations given to people, who are not recognizing the true God, glorifying Him, and thanking Him (Rom. 1:18-27). Therefore, recognize that God made you in your specific gender and He made you in His image. This is true even if God has made you are eunuch (Matt. 19:11). Thank God and glorify Him for the traits of your gender. Grow and be strong in the natural qualities of your God-given gender. If you are a man, live as a man and enjoy that life and put away any femininity and your natural desires can be restored. If you are a woman, be feminine and womanly by putting away any masculine tendencies. While you still may be tempted, listen to Jesus and be committed even to be a eunuch for the kingdom of heaven’s sake (Matt. 19:12). God made man and woman to be together in marriage, and all desires outside of this are outside of God’s will.
May God bless those who read this. Your comments are questions are always welcome.
- More about Making No Provision for the Flesh -
- Starting with the internet, TV, and magazines. Pornography is probably the most common sin of Christian men. Having the internet is like having a stack of pornographic magazines under one’s bed. The temptation is always there. This is like the street of the adulterous woman as Solomon instructs not to go near (Prov. 7). The street of the adulterous and strange woman can be the internet or television, so don’t let her street end at your house. Many find it easy to control their hands from exchanging money for pornographic magazines, but struggle to restrain themselves when thinking they are anonymous online. Your deepest conviction must be that this is an evil thing, sexually immoral, and for the married man, it is adultery in the heart.
Get rid of any saved sexual material. Get rid of the bad cable channels or get rid of cable TV all together. Put the computer in a common room with a filter and maybe use accountability software if you want. This is good to protect children. Regarding internet filters, OpenDNS is one of the best if not the best and it is free. This will not always prevent temptation. Even though sin may be hindered, this will not stop one from going back into this sin. You are going to have to gain self-control.
- Concerning dating and engagement, remember “make not provision for the flesh” (Rom. 13:14). Only date someone who you would marry and when you decide otherwise while dating then cease the romantic relationship. Double dates and meeting in public places is the best if not the only way to date, but there is something else that can make it easier. Draw a line to not cross. Where should you draw the line?
Physical relationships between a man and woman progress. The progression of affection is a part of how God has designed man and woman. The usual physical progression of a relationship usually looks like this: an arm around shoulder, holding hands, kissing, passionate kissing, petting, taking off clothing, stimulation, and intercourse. Of this progression, when does one quit thinking clearly? Most would point to passionate kissing. At passionate kissing, rational thinking is often thrown away as the couple becomes “love-drunk”. You can prevent the progression into sin by avoiding passionate kissing.
It can be extremely tempting for some couples to be alone for even an hour. Sexual desires reach a point of sexual intoxication when one cannot think clearly. Try talking sense into someone who is drunk. How can sensual drunkenness be prevented? We must keep from the passion of lust. What triggers sexual passion and intoxication? Decide and know exactly when to stop along the progression and let your date know too. If your date passes this point, separate from that person for some time.
- On marriage, 1 Corinthians 7:2 states, “But, because of fornications, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” Here is an answer to sexual desire. Marriage certainly makes it easier. Now, temptations can arise from not fulfilling marital affections. A successful marriage based on rendering what is due (1 Cor. 7:1ff) and obeying Ephesians 5:23-31 will usually prevent these sexual sins. Now and all the time, “make not provision of the flesh” (Rom. 13:14). Do not privately meet with anyone of the opposite sex that you are attracted to or could be. Temptations for adultery are increased by the lack of attention, affection, and admiration from the other spouse. A little attention, affection, and admiration from someone else welcomes an affair, and a little attention, affection, and admiration toward your spouse pushes such temptations away.