How to Prevent and Overcome Sexual Sins (Revised 2014)

Jesus Christ has the answer for those struggling with sexual sins, “one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Heb 4:15). God’s will is for your holiness, your sanctification, and abstinence from sexual immorality. God wants you to know how to possess your own body in holiness and honor, and to not be inflamed with lust (1 Thess 4:3-5).

Christ can help you with every sinful and addictive behavior. His words are freely provided in the Bible. This article specifically addresses what dozens of books and websites have not provided the wisdom and knowledge necessary to stop this prominent sin.How to Overcome Sexual Sin

Keys to overcoming immoral sexual behavior are here from God’s Word. This article defines what is sexually immoral, and what are the causes and answers to sexual temptations.

Even in a life wrapped in prayers and scripture reading, many have found themselves enslaved to a behavior that they do not want and even despise. While some Christians may not struggle with sexual temptations as though they have a low desire or fulfilling marriages, many struggle with uncontrolled sexual desires. Urging someone to read more, be saved, go to church, and stop sinning are excellent things to do, but sometimes, believers can still miss how to overcome certain temptations.

Facing sexual temptations are still thought inappropriate to openly address in some churches, but teaching on this subject is needed as seen by sexual immorality facing Christ from the first century unto today (1 Cor 5-7). The man who can honestly say that he has never been tempted to lust after a woman is rare. Just as rare is the woman who can say that she has not been tempted to romantically fantasize about man, real or invented.

There is not any particular person or generation to blame. Christians must be accountable for themselves and each others. Yes, it would have been nice to have avoided any exposure or abuse to such sins. Still, we must hold ourselves responsible.

What is sexually immoral? Sadly, many justify sexual sins and irrationally explain away the definition of sexual immorality. Yet, Christians need to have a clear awareness and strong conviction, so that we abhor this evil (Rom 12:9). Jesus has a very clear definition of sexual immorality. Jesus defined marriage as one man and one woman as created by God (Mark 10:6-9). All sexual immorality is behavior outside of the marriage between one man and one woman. The definition of fornication is from the Greek word porneia. This evil behavior is all sexual intercourse outside of marriage between one man and one woman (Mark 10:6-7, cf. 1 Cor 6:16, Eph 5:31, Heb 13:4).

Jesus openly used the definition of sexual immoral behavior according to the Law of Moses when Jesus spoke to those who were under Moses’ Law. Within the Law of Moses, immoral sexual behavior consists of adultery, extra-marital sex, premarital sex, incest, rape (pedophilia), sex during menstruation, homosexuality, bestiality, prostitution, and uncovering nakedness (lewdness) (Lev 18, 19:29, 20; Deut 22:5, 22-30).

When Jesus spoke of adulteries, fornications, and lewdness being “evil things” that defile people, Christ knew what He meant (Mark 7:20-23). Jesus described adultery in the heart as coveting another man’s wife (Matt 5:27-28). Adultery is sex with another person’s spouse. Jesus also said that adultery includes divorcing and marrying another person except unless one’s spouse sinned in extramarital sex (Matt 5:32, 19:9, Mark 10:11-12, Luke 16:18, cf. 1 Cor 7:10-11).

Without recognizing, thanking, and glorifying God, people can pervert natural desires into strange lusts (Rom 1:20-28). Jesus did not have to specify what He meant by fornication and lewdness with a descriptive list. Rape, incest, and homosexuality are such forms of sexual immorality outside the natural union of marriage between a man and a woman. Jesus also condemned pedophilia when He opposed the abuse of children (Matt 18:7-10, Mark 9:42-50).

Christ also spoke against lewdness, which His Spirit defined to mean to “allure through the lusts of the flesh” (2 Pet 2:18, cf. Luke 17:1, Jas 1:13-14). To cause others to lust through tempting speech, revealing clothing, and nudity is lewdness. Jesus taught to not look to lust (Matt 5:28). Looking at another person with an inflamed craving and lust is adultery in the heart. Jesus revealed, “And I say to that every person looking at a woman with covetous lust for her has now committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:28). Remember Jesus’ words that out of the heart proceed evil things like evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, covetousness, and lewdness (Mark 7:20-23).

The Cause: “What is happening to me?!” How can someone become enslaved to a sin that a person does not want to do? If you feel enslaved and feel like you cannot control your sexual behavior, the Bible talks about such enslaved behavior. Sexual immorality is an addictive and compulsion sin.

Sexual immorality is a sin against one’s own body (1 Cor 6:15-20). Jesus said, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Mark 14:38, Matt 26:41). Many who are trapped in sexual sin or any habitual sin relate to these words, “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do” (Rom 7:15). The problem is sin dwelling within one’s flesh, and that person cannot find how to do what is good (Rom 7:17-20). No one can overcome indwelling sin without the indwelling Spirit of God.

See, there is a way of escape for all (1 Cor 10:13). Therefore, “Escape sexual immorality!” (1 Cor 6:18, cf. Gen 39:8-13). “Can we continue in sin that grace may increase? Certainly not!” (Rom 6:1-2a). “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Rom 7:24).

The Answer: The Spirit of Christ says, “Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh” (Gal 5:16-17). God’s Spirit commands that we be filled with the Spirit (Eph 5:18). This is our choice and our action. Sin and lies have deceived many to think the Spirit dwells in them when they continue to sin.

A Christian must open one’s eyes to see the victories and conquests when walking in the Spirit. They should give attention and reproduce that pattern of living everyday. Therefore, fill your life with Christ, His life, His words, His love, and His commands given to His Apostles and prophets found in the Scriptures (cf. Col 3:16, Eph 3:3-5). These are all from the Spirit of God. Walk in Spirit, and you will have the fruits of the Spirit, which include self-control (Gal 5:22-23). Work diligently to grow in the virtues of your faith (2 Pet 1:5-11). Counter your temptations from sinful desires, cravings, and urges by walking in the Spirit.

To live by the Spirit, a believer must die with Christ, be buried with Him, and be raised with Him. If you do not do this, then you are not regenerated, and your attempts to follow Christ will help you. Those who are of Christ crucify the flesh with its passions and desires (Gal 5:24). You are not saved by grace until God gives you life when He raises you into the newness of life with Christ (Eph 2:4-6, cf. Phil 3:9-10). With an obedient faith, a believer is only made alive with Christ through His resurrection by dying to sin and being buried with Christ in baptism (Rom 6:1-7, Col 2:12-13). Only from baptism is a repentant believer raised into the newness of life. This is the Gospel by which God saves all believers (1 Cor 15:1-4, cf. Rom 1:16). Jesus commanded baptism in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit after He rose from the dead (Matt 28:19, Mark 16:16). This baptism is an immersion in water and Jesus’ name (1 Pet 1:3, 3:21, John 3:5, Titus 3:5, cf. Acts 2:38, 10:47-48, 22:16).

Remember that God’s grace teaches the denying of worldly lusts (Titus 2:11-12). The Christian must see God’s grace as more than salvation from past sins, but also as salvation from giving into future temptations. Christ has already forgiven you of the sins that now tempt you. Why do them again (Rom 6:1)? Christians must see the loving grace that forgives sins, so that they truly love God (Luke 7:40-43). Jesus’ love shown through His death compels His followers to live for Christ (2 Cor 5:14-15).

Therefore, learn to set your mind on the Spirit (Rom 8:5-6). By setting the mind, the Christian must always see through desires and temptations to see that on the other side of temporary pleasure is evil, guilt, regret, devastation, and ruin. A Christian must see that sin is an enslavement (Rom 6:15-23). Listen to Christ’s Spirit, “For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. What fruit did you have then in the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death” (Rom 6:20-21). What do people gain from sin? What is left after temporary pleasure? Jesus said, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin” (John 8:34). For which Jesus said, “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32).

Remember that evil thoughts and imaginations feed the lusts of the flesh. Wherever you are, start disciplining the mind, and be aware that God sees you and He knows your thoughts. You must set your mind on the Spirit and be spiritually aware above the lusts of the flesh. “[Y]ou must put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind” (Eph. 4:22-23). Romans 8:5-6 states,

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”

In offering one’s body as a living sacrifice, Romans 12:2 commands, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” You must change your mind and thus your heart (Rom 1:28, 8:7; Eph 2:3, 4:17-24; Phil 3:19, 4:8, Col 1:12, 2:8, 3:1-5ff; 1 Tim 6:5; Titus 1:15, 2:11-12; Jas 1:8, 4:8, 1 Pet 1:13).

Set your mind by Christ’s words and love. When setting the mind on the Spirit, the Spirit dwells in you (Rom 8:9-11). Set the mind upon Christ’s love (John 4:23, Eph 3:16-17, 1 John 4:7-13). Christians are crucified with Christ and alive in Him (2 Cor 5:14-15, Gal 2:20, cf. John 15:13). Christians know the love of Christ by Jesus’ selfless sacrifice (1 John 4:9-10). God dwells within Christians when those believers abide in love, because God is love (1 John 4:16). Thus, the Holy Spirit has poured God’s love into the hearts of Christians (Rom 5:5-8). Only by Christ’s sacrifice can anyone really know love and be compelled by love (John 15:13, 1 John 3:16, cf. 1 John 5:1-3). When God indwells by love, Christians gain their strength from the Spirit (Eph 3:16-19). You must have this love in your heart, and then Christ’s love will compel you to overcome. Love is the first blessing listed among the fruits of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-23). True believers increase in that love by abiding in Christ’s words (John 14:21-24).

James 1:21 states, “Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls” (cf. Col 3:16, Eph 5:18). This is the work of the Spirit to change you through the indwelling of God’s Word (2 Cor 3:18, Rom 8:5-6, 11-13). Therefore, think on those things that are truthful, honorable, just, pure, loving, respectful, virtuous, and praiseworthy (Phil 4:8).

Setting your mind on Christ must include prayer. Jesus told His disciples on the night of His betrayal, “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt 26:41, Mark 14:38). Jesus warned His disciples, and yet that night, they all fled when they said that they would not (Mark 14:26-31). As Luke’s Gospel describes, Jesus said, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation” (Luke 22:40, 46). Was Jesus wrong about prayer?! These are not useless words! Would prayer have helped deliver these disciples? Yes, it would. If prayer against temptation was not useful and powerful, why would Jesus have commanded His disciples to pray? What if they would have prayed three times that night? Take an example in this to pray constantly (1 Thess 5:17). Wake up praying against temptation, pray throughout the day, and pray before bed. Pray David’s repentant words in Psalm 51. Pray daily for the rest of your life and do this in setting your mind on the Spirit. Christ taught His followers to pray, “Bring us not into temptation” (Matt 6:13, Luke 11:4).

Set your mind on Christ to make no provision for the flesh to fulfill its lust (Rom 13:13-14). Set up a perimeter in your life and in your mind. Find a way to stay away from private temptations of secret sins. Remember Solomon’s warning to not go near the street of the adulterous woman at night (Prov 7). Make no way for private and hidden sins. Romans 13:13-14 states,

“Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”

From here, grow in Christ and in His virtues for the rest of your life (2 Pet 1:4-11). This is a war, and Christians must fight the good fight. “[A]bstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul” (1 Pet 2:12). Lusts are trying to deceive you (Jas 1:14-15). Doing nothing is not going to aid you in overcoming these sins. Remove the temptation to sin. Jesus said in Matthew 18:9, “And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out, and cast it from you: it is good for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into the hell of fire” (cf. Mark 9:43-48, Matt 19:12).

Jesus did not give into temptation to overcome temptation. Work diligently to have this mindset always. Remember that when Satan tempted Jesus that He countered the temptation with a better thought from Scripture rather than trying to ignore the temptation (Luke 4, cf. Matt 4). God’s grace is through His Word. Do not think that guilt comes from being tempted. The evil one tempted Jesus. Sinful desires will tempt you, and those urges may not completely go away. Will giving into these help you resist the next temptation (1 Cor 6:18)?

Set your mind to know when you feel strong urges and do not give into the urges, then you are killing evil desires in the flesh (Gal 5:24, Col 3:5). The temptations can and will eventually diminish although never fully go away. The urges will weaken. Do not be deceived to believe the lie that urges will keep growing and not stop until giving into sin. “Therefore subordinate to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (Jas 4:7). The Bible teaches that tempting urges can cease naturally. Knowing the path of sin that “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire” (Jas 1:14), you can endure the urge without giving into the temptation. Christ’s Spirit says,

“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it” (1 Cor. 10:13).

Enduring temptations will make you happy, and the light of a new day will fill your soul more than any worldly pleasure. For “Blessed [happy] is the man who endures temptation” (Jas 1:12, cf. 1:4). Fear God, escape, and then endure with prayer. You are able. You do not have to give into the temptation. Giving into temptations will only make temptations worse and increase sin upon sin (Rom 6:19).

Take up your cross daily and follow Christ (Luke 9:23). After reading this, consider this post, “How to Overcome Habitual Sins and Addictions through Christ“.


Questions and Answers (FAQ) 

A. What about God’s forgiveness and grace? What about if we stumble again? Everyone sins and everyone stumbles (Rom 3:23, Jas 3:2). Feel guilty and let it help change you. Have godly sorrow and fear God since “godly sorrow works repentance unto salvation” (2 Cor 7:10). God can forgive you if you repent. Jesus taught us to forgive when one confesses repentance seven times in a day (Luke 17:3-4). Why? Because we are to forgive as God forgives us (Eph 4:32, Col 3:13). What if we confess repentance seven times in a day to God? Therefore, as we walk in the light and confess our sins to the Father, God cleanses us from all sins (1 John 1:7, 9). Let the Word on the heart’s conscience motivate you.

B. How can a Christian Manage one’s desires within marriage? What about other natural emissions? God has provided ways to cope by managing sexual desires. The Scriptures refer to nocturnal emissions and staying clean (Deut 23:9-14). When Israelite soldiers were single or away from their wives, they were not excused in the circumstances of war to behave in a sexually immoral way by committing adultery, rape, or any other evil. Married men must know how to manage themselves at specific times in their marriage. This is what God has naturally provided. God gave further instructions to Israelite men to live with a way to control themselves (Lev 15:1-17). Women also have a similar natural function, and they have the same task to maintain self-control. No one has to submit to the world’s ways of addressing these desires by giving into lust.

C. How does a biblical respect for marriage help? Just the simple conviction that sex is an act of love meant only for your spouse changes how some directs one’s desires. You have to honor marriage by honoring the marriage bed even if you are not married. A single person can defile the marriage bed too. This is clear by the reference to fornication in Hebrews 13:4, which says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Marital intimacy is not to be withheld by either spouse (1 Cor 7:1-9). Marital affections are due to each spouse. “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband” (1 Cor 7:3). “Do not deprive one another” (1 Cor 7:5). Why? “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband” (1 Cor 7:2). “[I]f they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Cor 7:9). Husbands and wives are not to deprive their spouses.

D. How must a Christian husband live with his wife? (Greek: thalpo) (1 Pet 3:7, Eph 5:28-29). He must do this with understanding and without bitterness (Col 3:19, 1 Pet 3:7). Likewise, women must also recognize that God’s ideal for marriage is for a wife to love and respect her husband by subordinating as is fitting to the Lord (Eph 5:22, 33, Col 3:18, Titus 2:4, 1 Pet 3:1). God gave desires for a spouse within the intimacy of marriage and all desires for others that are outside of marriage are perversions. This desire of the flesh can only be controlled by using it properly within marital love. This is all vitally important in understanding marriage and honoring the marriage bed.

E. What about unnatural desires? If you have unnatural desires like homosexual desires and other forms of paraphilia, these are lusts and temptations given to people, who are not recognizing the true God, glorifying Him, and thanking Him (Rom 1:18-27). Therefore, recognize that God made you in your specific gender and He made you in His image. This is true even if God has made you a eunuch (Matt 19:11). Thank God and glorify Him for the traits of your gender. Grow and be strong in the natural qualities of your God-given gender. If you are a man, live as a man and enjoy that life and put away any femininity and restore your natural desires. If you are a woman, be feminine and womanly by putting away any masculine tendencies. While you still may be tempted, listen to Jesus and be committed even as a eunuch for the kingdom of heaven’s sake (Matt 19:12). God made man and woman become one flesh in marriage, and all desires outside of this are outside of God’s will.

F. How can a Christian avoid pornography? Starting with the internet, TV, and magazines. Pornography is probably the most common sin of Christian men. Having the internet is like having a stack of pornographic magazines under one’s bed. The temptation is always there. This is like the street of the adulterous woman as Solomon instructs not to go near (Prov. 7). The internet or television can be the street of the adulterous and strange woman. Do not let her street end at your house. Many find it easy to control their hands from exchanging money for pornographic magazines, but struggle to restrain themselves when thinking they are anonymous online. This lewdness is an evil thing, sexually immoral, and for the married, it is adultery in the heart.

Get rid of any saved sexual material. Get rid of the bad cable channels or get rid of cable TV all together. Put the computer in a common room with more than one filter and maybe use accountability software if you want. This is good to protect children. Regarding internet filters, OpenDNS and Family Safety are excellent and free. The Family Safety also provides a curfew to restrict certain times of temptation. Use these to make no provision for the flesh.

G. How can a Christian maintain purity when dating and engaged? Remember “make not provision for the flesh” (Rom. 13:14). Only date someone who you would marry and when you decide otherwise while dating then cease the relationship. Double dates and meeting in public places is the best if not the only way to date, but there is something else that can make it easier. Draw a line to not cross.

Physical relationships between a man and woman progress. The progression of affection is a part of how God has designed man and woman. Romantic passion usually progresses like this: an arm around shoulder, holding hands, kissing, passionate kissing, and so forth into sin. Of this progression, when does one quit thinking clearly? Most would point to passionate kissing. At passionate kissing, rational thinking is often thrown away as the couple becomes “love-drunk”. You can prevent the progression into sin by avoiding passionate kissing.

Some couples are tempted while being alone for even an hour. Sexual desires reach a point of sexual intoxication when one cannot think soberly. Try talking sense into a drunk. How can such sensual drunkenness be prevented? We must keep from the passion of lust. What triggers sexual passion and intoxication? Decide and know exactly when to stop along the progression and let your date know too. If your date passes this point, separate from that person for some time.

H. How Can a Christian better maintain affections within marriage? First Corinthians 7:2 states, “But, because of fornications, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” Here is an answer to sexual desire. Marriage certainly makes it easier. Now, temptations can arise from not fulfilling marital affections. A successful marriage based on rendering what is due (1 Cor. 7:1ff) and obeying Ephesians 5:23-31 will usually prevent these sexual sins. Now and all the time, “make not provision of the flesh” (Rom 13:14). Do not privately meet with anyone of the opposite sex who is attractive to you or could be. Temptations for adultery increase by lack of attention, affection, and admiration from the other spouse. A little attention, affection, and admiration from someone else welcomes an affair, and a little attention, affection, and admiration toward your spouse pushes such temptations away.

May God bless you all who read this.

About Scott Shifferd Jr.

Minister, church of Christ in Jacksonville, FL. Husband and father of four. Email: ScottJon82[at]yahoo.com
This entry was posted in Christian, Church of Christ and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

562 Responses to How to Prevent and Overcome Sexual Sins (Revised 2014)

  1. Treasure says:

    Hi! I just wanted to thank you for your article. I am one of the saved Christians who were struggling with the sexual immortality sin. I also wanted to ask that can God forgive me for the same sin over and over again. May the Lord richly bless u .

    Like

    • Hello, Thank you for reading. Please, encourage and help others. We must fight these hidden sins.

      The New Testament says that God will forgive us as we forgive others (Eph 4:32). God commands us to forgive someone who sins and confesses repentance seven times in a day (Luke 17:3-4). That should comfort you.

      Yet, those who practice lawlessness and regularly sin over and over again, these are lost (Matt 7:23, 1 John 1:7, 2:3-6, 3:4-6).

      God bless you.

      Like

  2. Akhumzi says:

    To eat the pork is that good for christians ?

    Like

    • Jesus revealed that it is not what goes into a man that defiles him but what comes out of his heart (Matt 15:10-20). God told Peter in a vision that all food was clean (Acts 10). All food may be sanctified by prayer (1 Tim 4:3-5).

      The only things condemned from eating is blood, because life is in the blood and supports the life of mankind who are made in God’s image (Acts 15:20, 29; cf. Gen 9:4-6, Lev 17:11-14). Blood is sacred to Jews and Christians. Blood atonement and blood sacrifices are only found in the Bible. A life for a life, but Christ gave His life and blood to bear the curse of sin although he never sinned or profaned His lifeblood.

      Meat or food offered to false gods also cannot be eaten (1 Cor 8, 10). This is sinful because the food is offered to evil and not because it is unclean. Yet, if we do not know that it was sacrificed to another god, then Christians can eat with a good conscience sanctifying it by prayer and the word.

      Like

  3. Man says:

    Hello. I am a married man, 31 years old and I am a Christian, active also in our local church. I have a big problems with bad thoughts, connected to sexuality. No mather what I see or hear (also usual, normal and good stuff) I am connecting things with immoral. Often I can’t even talk normaly to the woman or even to the a man. Sometimes when it comes something on my mind I want to get rid of the thoughts and then I also shake my head so that the action (shaking with head) is often visible also to others. Often I am also analyzing the thoughts that come on my mind. Sometimes I also alow that the bad thought stays longer in me. I want to be realy free.
    Do I have to ask for forgiveness also my wife for these things (adultary in the heart)? I do not want to upset her. She already knows that I have some problems with thoughts but does not know specifically what and how.
    I would kindly ask for your advice and prayers.

    Like

    • There is a difference between being tempted by the flesh and lusting. One of the words translated lust means coveting (Matt 5:27-30). Are you coveting? Are you going to act on these temptations? In Matthew 5, Jesus taught that you remove whatever is causing this sin at any cost. If you are being tempted by the same gender, I encourage you to recognize, thank, and glorify God everyday. Romans 1 says that unnatural desires comes from not recognizing, thanking, and glorifying God. Understand God as Christ describes Him. Thank and worship God. Resist the Devil and he will flee (Jas 4:7-10).

      These are thoughts that you do not want. Read Romans 7:13-25. Your flesh lusts, but it is not what you want. “But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me” (Rom 7:17). This can only be overcome as you grow and learn to set your mind on Christ. Otherwise, you will be tempted. Jesus was tempted. Jesus told His disciples to pray for the flesh is weak and the spirit is willing.

      Your adultery of heart is against your wife (Mark 10:11, Jas 5:16). You can confess to your wife that you are struggling to control yourself like Paul described in 1 Corinthians 7:1-9. She should be able to understand this, because this is a reason for marriage. This should not disrupt your marriage. She should be able to help you. First Corinthians 7 says that your lack of self-control is to be managed for your natural desires with your wife. Neither one of you should hold back marital affection. Doing so is sin. Confession of trespasses to someone else is for prayer and healing (Jas 5:16). Confess to your wife if this is what you will receive. Yet, a confession not for prayer and healing can make things harder for those who you have sinned against. How would you feel if your wife confessed the same to you? Do you want her prayers and to repent?

      Confess your sins to the Father and walk in the light to be forgiven (1 John 1:7, 9).

      You have my prayers. God bless.

      Like

      • Man says:

        Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your answer. Should I tell to my wife specifically the name of the woman that i am/was coveting and what? Or can I just say to her that I have thoughts which I allowed to dwell in my mind?

        Like

        • If your wife wants to know details, then tell her only what is best for your marriage, repentance, and her help. Do not confess what is destructive like the other woman’s name. Only confess what is best for your repentance. Start by confessing your temptations and lack of self-control. Wait for her to ask for more. God bless.

          Like

          • Man says:

            Thank you for reply. May God bless you and please for me and my marriage. I realy need my mind and soul healing.

            Like

  4. Akosua says:

    Im adaddicted to porn n feel for sex often.I am 26 n I want to get married to avoid it.pls what shd I do?

    Like

    • Akosua,

      God bless you for wanting to draw closer to God and overcome this sin. First, pray for wisdom and pray for a spouse. Second, do whatever you must to stay away from this sin. Make no provision for the flesh (Rom 13:13-14). Next, recognize the times of the day when are tempted. Commit these times to the Lord. Read and think deeply about His Word about overcoming sin and also about living in the Spirit. Remember that if you walk in the Spirit, then you will not commit the sins of the flesh (Gal 5:16). Read Psalm 51 where David prayed that God blot out his transgressions, give him the ability to rejoice, and tell the world about God.

      Next, set your mind on Christ. See the article here: “How to Overcome Additions and Habitual Sins with Christ”. There are questions there to help you become more aware of your behavior and be able to see these sins for corruption. For instance, ask yourself why you should commit sin when committing sin will not end the temptations, the sin, the guilt, or make your life any better. If you have been raised with Christ from baptism, think about how Christ died, rose, and by His grace He forgave you these sins already — so why do them again. Realize that you must endure these urges to become stronger and weaken the temptations (1 Cor 10:13). This may be physically exhausting.

      Prepare yourself for eternity. Be sure that you are truly saved by being raised with Christ from baptism. The Scriptures teach that one is raised into the newness of life from baptism (Rom 6:1-7, Eph 2:4-7, Col 2:12-13). Study more about baptism and its purpose in establishing the Christian life (Mark 16:16, Acts 2:38, 8:36-38, 22:16, 1 Pet 3:21). After baptism, walk in the light and confess your sins to the Father and He will forgive all sins (1 John 1:7, 9). Find the church that Christ built and bought with His blood (Matt 16:18, Acts 20:28). Seek out encouragement from these church elders.

      You have my prayer.

      Like

  5. Dmitry Mack says:

    I’ve been dating my gf for over a year. We want to get married. We’ve both been raised in Christian families and are strongly against pre marital sex. Everything has been going well until just recently, I’ve been getting extremely strong urges. We Haven’t had sex, but definitely Had a few slip ups. And it’s taken an impact on my spiritual well being. I feel I got weaker and the desires are getting stronger but it’s only getting harder to battle this struggle. If I had chance I’d get married to avoid sexual immorality but financially I’m not ready yet. But I’m in love w her and I can’t just disappear. I’m 25 and it’s just been a real struggle to hang in there. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

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    • Hi Dmitry,

      A Christian man finding a Christian woman is a good thing. Your struggle is a common one. The answer is to make no provisions for the flesh (Ro 13.13-14). Now is the time to show your spiritual leadership. Draw some lines, and set boundaries that you are not alone together to be tempted. You should be attracted to your future wife. This should be like not seeing your wife on your wedding day. To stay committed, pray to God, and pray with your girlfriend.

      God bless you both. You have my prayer.

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  6. Francis Amankwaah Adusei says:

    I have had sex with so many ladies which am not proud of. Am ashamed of myself and I can’t stop it. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I want to stop and I need your help. Please help me.

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    • I presume you are not married. See my article about overcoming addictions to set your mind on Christ and His sanctification for your life. Start there.

      Next, you must remove yourself from the temptations whether at bars, at work, or online. Consider Romans 13:13-14. More later…

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      • Lastly, you must bear the temptations, the urges, etc. Note 1 Corinthians 10:12-13. This may be the hardest part. This may be like a drug addict detoxing. This calls for much prayer. God bless and comment any time. You have my prayer.

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  7. drayzers says:

    Me and my girlfriend use to have intercourse back in earlier this year. But that all changed when she got lead to Christ and wanted stop having sex. Of course I was stubborn and upset about it. I kept having urges and masturbating to kill my urges out of respect for her and her wishes. But then some were deep down inside me something was changing when I had witnessed what god was doing for her in her life. So I finally gave myself up My life to Christ and stop masturbating for a month. Then the urges came back again but it wasn’t her this time. She wasnt doing anything to provoke my sexual desires at all. I was looking at porn on the internet again and nude images. I was try my best to resist but I wasn’t praying hard enough. I felt ashamed and i thought i was strong enough to stop it. But with in the month of September. I sat down with God and I prayed really hard that he would deliver me from my sin. And he has, I have not masturbated in 2 weeks now. I stop looking at porn and stuff. Since I got saved again I been looking to gods word to and ask the spirit to deliver from the temptation of my flesh everyday. I have urges now and then but I became stead fast in prayer and pray to God for deliverance and deny my flesh. My and my girlfriend are happily follow Christ together and praying and supporting one another in our walk with God and fighting temptations.

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    • Thank you for this positive encouragement. I hope we all follow such examples. It would be wonderful if everyone could be saved in the midst of their great temptations, so to always know His strength in them to overcome.

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  8. ella says:

    I found myself in a situation I never expected,I a married lady,got married as a virgin but I fell in the sin of having sex with another person,in the process I realize my self and worked away but since then I have been feeling guilty. If my partner knows,he will end of our marriage relationship..my husband was cheating on me and I was soon depressed and weak about the whole thing and I found my self too in the middle of all this,i have prayed for forgiveness of sin but I till fill very guilty,can God forgive me even if I don’t confess to my partner?i won’t go bck to it again by the Grace of God.

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    • The Bible says walk in the light and confess your sins to God the Father, and then you will be forgiven of your all sins (1 Jn 1.5-10). That should tell you all about your forgiveness. I do not know any other scripture other than James 5.15-16 that teaches confessing to one another. I would encourage to pray to God for wisdom to know how to address this.

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      • I agree that we must trust and God God enough that we are not held boundage by sin. If you confess your sins , he is faithful and will forgive. As a person who sin through sex within my marriage with another, I could not be free until i confessed to my wife and it’s been 20 years and we are happier than ever because of our willingness to walk in the light.

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